I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
