He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
