Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
