I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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