You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
