i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
