we have pet lesbian snakes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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