I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
