I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
