Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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