i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
