try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
