Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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