Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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