he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize