dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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