capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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