going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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