I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
