Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
