i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You ate ashes out of my bong
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
