explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
