I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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