so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
