She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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