I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
