He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
