Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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