i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
