My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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