he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
