We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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