No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
