Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
