I want to stick my p in your. b.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
