after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
