He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
