you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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