You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dignity is for republicans.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
