he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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