no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
