party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
