"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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