I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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