Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
someone owes me an orgasm
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
