her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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