It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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