ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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