I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
