He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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