I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
