The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
