Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
don't judge my taste in strippers
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
