I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
