oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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