please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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