Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
