Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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