twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
