I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
