This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize