if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
