Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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