I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
