I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
