Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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