if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
