i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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