Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
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eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize