you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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