Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
