"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
