i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
